Upon recommendation I read through the book “Christians Get Depressed Too” by David Murray. I never thought I was capable of being depressed. This was something that happened to the other 4 out of 5 people in the test group, because I was too smart for depression right? Wrong. This past year I haven’t really felt like myself. Nothing motives me. The thought of starting anything new makes me tired. I often have wanted to stay in bed and ignore the world. Somedays I have done just that.Normal right?
This past year I’ll admit that I have carried a weight I shouldn’t have taken on. If Jesus was on Earth today it would have been the equialvent of me looking Him in the eye holding up my hand saying “This burden is mine don’t touch it. I can carry this on my own.” To God I’ve probably looked as silly as a three year old girl struggling under the weight of an elephant. I’m at a point where I know I can’t carry my idols any further. I’m tired. My husband is tired. It’s too hard. It’s uneccessary. Murray really nailed it on the head of what my problem is when he wrote this:
” If you feel like you have failed in the eyes of other people, and your success and the opinions of other is of critical importance, you can slip into depression. Can you see the spiritual roots? Your sucess and the opinions of others have become your gods, they are more important to you than serving Christ.” Ouch.
Dont’ get me wrong sometimes depression in Christians is caused by a chemical imbalance and needs to be met with medication to help the Christian battle out of the darkness. This is not one of those cases. My depression is my own doing. I’ve chosen to cling to other gods trying to reedeem and prove myself to them with my success and what happens? I get fired from my job. The epitome of failure. There is no better time than the present for me to repent and give over everything to Jesus. What does that look like? It means me saying in a very unamerican way “I don’t got this.” “I can’t fix this.” “I am not enough.” “Jesus help me.” Still there is hope. In the book this passage really stuck out to me:
” Do you remember Naaman, who wanted to be cured of his leprosy? (See 2 Kings 5.) If he had been asked to do something glorious he would have been happy. Because he was asked to bathe in the murky old Jordan he wasn’t so keen – yet this was God’s plan for him, an it cured him. God has better plans for us than we have for ourselves…However strange it may seem to you, God wants you to go through this depression-so look at it positively, not negatively. What does He want you to learn from it? What can you gain from going through it?”
This passage was a comforting reminder to me that everything the Lord does is for a purpose, even something like depression. How beautiful it is that our lives and the trival things that happen to us or not for nothing?